My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
