My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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