matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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