Im at strip club and am horny
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
