Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
