Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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