Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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