We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
