Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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