life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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