he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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