My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
