I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
