So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
