there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize