Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
