I'm really into asian looking animals
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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