did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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