I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
