i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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