you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
