So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
