Duck Duck Cougar?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
