He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
