everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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