Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
