i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
