you told grandpa to call you daddy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
