I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
