I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
