I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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