Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
