And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Still dying that you shit outside
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
