How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
