While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
