sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
