The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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