just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
