Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
