I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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