I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
