Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
