You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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