Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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