i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
