This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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