I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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