Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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