Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He has the fingertips of a God
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