I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
