if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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