I'm eating all of the evidence.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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