How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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