you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
