hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
