We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
