I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
