Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
