yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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