Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
