this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
