Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
