she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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