i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
