idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
