I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
