Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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