if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
