it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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