I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
