Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
