Define "chronic" masturbator.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
