Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
