And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
