Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
