The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
