btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think your dad took our porno
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
