I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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