My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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