It's like God shit irony all over that family
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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