be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
