you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
