just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
