I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
