Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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