you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
