I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
