whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
