Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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